Girl with Gumption

There are those times in life when one realizes that there are certain things about them that need to be improved. Certain strengths or skills that need a little refining. Bad habits that need to be broken. Teeth need whitening, tummy needs tightening, muscles need toning. Let's face it...we all could use a little work.

Lately, by way of sudden change and conversations with friends, I have come to realize that an area I need some improvement on is my level of gumption (which is currently nonexistent...or so I am told).What is gumption you say? If you consulted Webster you would learn that the word means: enterprise; initiative - plus a smattering of other terms that have no significance to this blog-post so I will withhold them for the time being. Some may also call it courage. In my everyday language, what it means is that I need to develop a spine. Plain and simple. 

I think if you had asked me prior to these enlightening conversations, I would have claimed to be a woman of great gumption! Someone who could speak her mind. Stand up for myself! And never would I allow myself to get pushed around, walked on, or be treated in any other way than what I deserve... But for those of you who know me, you're rolling your eyes and saying "nice try, Jacki." Truth is I can be that person in my car or in my apartment by myself, and definitely within my thought process, but never out loud. I would like to place most of the blame on the whole "Minnesota Nice" theory that I was raised in and clearly live out now even though I have been away from MN for nearly a year. Whatever the case may be, this is the current area of my life that needs some tweaking. Now just to figure out how to go about doing that. As for now, I take my inspiration from a scene from one of my favorite flicks The Holiday!

Sigh...

Someday, that day could be quite a long ways off if we are being serious, but someday I will be able to be that bold, be able to stand up for myself and be that courageous. Someday...you will know me as the girl with gumption! Better get to work!

Start of Something New

The world is always in movement.

- V. S. Naipaul 

Something about being in Boone makes the above statement even more true. I feel like ever since I have arrived in Boone my life has always been stuck in this constant fluidity of change.  Learning a new job. Meeting new people. Adjusting to this hippie culture. Trying to figure what it exactly means to be a Mountaineer. And now, even though it's technically "summer" here at App State, I feel that I have been experiencing more changes now than ever before. While some of these changes are great and better than what I expected. Some take time to adjust to and I'm not always so thrilled about them when I first become aware of them. Some make me smile and maybe even blush a little! ;) Yet, others have brought me to tears and left me completely confused and frustrated. But no matter what, whether I am happy about the change or not, I strive to see the good. I have to look for the thing that keeps me going and the ways that I could possibly become a better person because of this new adventure in my life. No matter what I do to stop the curve balls from coming, they always seem to show up when I least expect. Might as well make the best out of it and enjoy the ride!

Service: Redefined

If I were to reflect on the things that are important to me and the things I want to be about, I would typically believe that the term service would show up on multiple different occasions. My go-to leadership model is through servant leadership. I worked for a non-profit organization that developed service trips all across the United States that nearly 40,000 people attended each year. I participate in several different service opportunities each year. Service this. Service that. Service. Service. Service. This is something I think people should get involved in and make a priority in their lives.

However, this term service has been causing some sort of internal dilemma within me lately. I just got back from an Alternative Spring Break trip that gave students here at ASU an opportunity to get outside of their comfort zone of Boone and be a part of the ongoing work taking place in gulf cities such as Pascagoula, Mississippi. While the students worked hard all week with the various tasks given them, I felt that there was this lingering question about the level of service work they were doing. I think sometimes we think that we have to be working with children and having a lot of human interaction to gratify our needs for doing service and to quantify what has been done as such. On top of the recent ASB trip, I also attended a workshop on Globalizing Service Learning that discussed what service learning should and shouldn't be.

It is from that workshop and my previous trip that I am developing this skewed view of the word service. I feel that service has become this sort of self proclaiming- pat myself on the back- add it to the resume- look at how good I am - sort of thing people seek just to make them feel better about themselves. I think a lot of people have lost the real meaning and purpose of service as they enter into service opportunities with this appalling god complex. It's like I can hear them walk into those situations proclaiming "HERE I AM TO SAVE THE DAYYYYY!!!!" And that....DISGUSTS ME! If that is what people believe service is and how it should be approached, I want nothing to do with their kind of service.

Another contributing factor to this sudden dissonance in my comprehension of service came from an upcoming program to be held in my building. With the recent disaster taking place in Japan, my staff and I decided to host a fundraiser to help out a local organization Samaritan's Purse. However, it isn't just a "come bring down your pennies to help out a global cause", it is "we will feed you if you can please just spare a penny or two!" Now, I understand that I am catering to an audience of college students and if food is available at any function, they will magically appear. It's like in Field of Dreams when they say "If you build it, he will come" except it's more like "If you feed them, they will come." I digress. My sudden objection to this is that I feel like through these types of programming I am only enabling people to continue with this type of service where there has to be some sort of reward for people to participate. I feel like too many people ask "What's in it for me?" before even considering getting involved in a service opportunity. I'm sorry but if you are only getting involved and helping out because you get a free meal or to boost your ego then you are not doing service. Service in its purest form there is no evidence of selfishness or motivation for personal gain.

(deep breath)

So with all this I come to this conclusion that we need to redefine service. We have to reclaim it for what it is really suppose to be about. It is imperative that we check our motivations for becoming involved in service ensuring that our motives are pure and just. And with that, I step off my soap box.

The Plan

Within the first couple months of grad school, our professors and other student affairs professionals would come to class and have us share what we hope to do with our careers after we are done at ASU. My thoughts would then result in the following: "Sunshine, please. Let's slow down for just one second. I just got here and am in no place to have my future figured out." The thought of having to know who we we're going to be within the profession caused a lot of unnecessary stress and I was certain that it was going to take an exponential amount of time to figure "the plan" out.

Well, with a semester of grad school completed, each day I become more and more confident that I am in the right profession for me. And to my surprise, I believe that I have actually figured out the answer to the question I was asked by my professors 5 months ago. So here it is. I'm going to put it in writing here to either, serve as a form of accountability or maybe 5 years down the road when I am doing something completely different it will show me just how far I have come since today. The plan is...(drum roll please) to be a Director within the Office of International Education and Development. If that just sounded like a foreign language to you, it means I really want to work within study abroad programs at a University. I believe I am so drawn to this area of my field because my two months spent in Europe and Africa during my undergraduate years changed my life! The memories I have from that time and the lessons I learned there are so precious to me. I am constantly telling the students I know that they should really pursue studying abroad and I want to keep being an advocate for the benefits such an experience can have on an individual. I am even doing my research project on issues related to study abroad!

So that's the plan. I'm not certain when I'll get there, but I know someday I will. This summer I am hoping to work within ASU's Office of International Education and Development (OIED) to start getting my foot in the door and to become more familiar with what that functional area is like. Some other parts of the plan include becoming fluent in two languages. I am hoping to pick up Spanish again and then I believe I will then pick up French. I would also like to work in England for a period of time. And probably, (oh gosh am I really about to say this?!) will pursue getting my PhD. Yikes! I have a lot of work a head of me. But even with all the work needing to get done and things I need to check off my list, it feels really good to have an idea of what I want to do, who I want to be and what I am working towards.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

Jeremiah 29:11

New Year...New Bucket List

Happy New Year All! Hope you had a great evening ringing in 2011. Before heading down to Minneapolis to celebrate with some friends from college, I went to a friend's wedding in my home town.

Side note: To all my girlfriends out there that are kind enough to read this silly blog of mine, just a warning, I am going to be a hot mess at your wedding. There is something so special about watching a good friend start a new journey in life with someone who loves them so sincerely and completely. Brings tears to my eyes. Can't wait.

Okay, end of tangent. Back to original purpose of blog.

With the beginning of a new year upon us, I was reminded of a recent conversation I had with my dad while perched on a counter in our kitchen. My dad brought up having a bucket list and all the things he wants to do throughout his lifetime. He spoke about wanting to see Alaska, Yosemite National Park, the Grand Canyon and some other incredible things. This conversation got me thinking about my bucket list. While spending some time in Africa in college, my teammates and I made our own bucket lists. But of course, that was five years ago and I have totally misplaced my list. Not surprising. Nonetheless, I figured it was about time to revamp said list. So to all three of my readers, my bucket list. Notice: said list is subject to change and these items are listed in no particular order. :)

Bucket List

Become fluent in another language

Live and work in Europe

Learn how to play guitar

Figure out a way to dance with Mark Ballas

Celebrate NYE in NYC

Visit the Holy Land

Drink wine with Jorgen in Italy

Catch a game at Fenway and Yankee Stadium

Read the complete works of Shakespeare

See the Great Wall of China

Go see a Coldplay concert with my dad

Take a helicopter ride around the Hawaiian Islands

Be an incredible wife and mother

Needless to say, some of these items are a little more tangible than others. I mean the chances of me getting to dance with Mark Ballas are slim to none, but a girl can dream right? Hmm...now I just need to figure out which item I am going to check off first!

Then and Now

Fall semester has nearly come to an end and I am one week away from going back home to MN. Now that life has slowed down and I have time to breathe, it's interesting to look back on how I started the semester and where I am now. I got to ASU so excited about everything ahead of me, but also scared out of my mind! I remember being so overwhelmed during training, always wondering "how in the world am I going to be able to do this job?" I was so afraid of failing and not being able keep up with everything. I was the annoying first-year that wouldn't leave the second-years alone - always asking more questions than necessary. On top of that, I often questioned my place within the CSD program, feeling like I didn't have enough experience to dive into the Student Affairs profession and be successful.

And now four months later, I am finally starting to feel like I have something to give back. This semester I have had so many things take place that have caused me to learn more about myself and what I want to be about. I have also had the opportunities (by way of homework assignments) to reflect on experiences that have shaped who I am and the things I am most passionate about. And I am now to a point where I feel more confident in what I can give back and what kind of legacy I want to leave. I have seen how stubborn I can be when it comes to things I believe in. I have also seen that I am my own worst critic and am someone who will sacrifice many things for the benefit of others - sometimes to an unhealthy extent. I have learned that it's okay to not have the answers for everything and to just go with the flow. I have learned that I can't do everything myself (even though I try to) and asking for help does not mean I failed. I have learned that some of the most important lessons I will learn won't come from within the classroom but come from the amazing people I have been blessed to get to know. So much has happened and I'm only a quarter of the way through this whole crazy ride. Bumpy as it may be at times, I love it! And I am so thankful that I am here. While I am psyched about getting some time away, I am ready for the next chapter of this journey and look forward to the lessons I will be privileged to learn.